I was rehearsing one of the concert bands on Pep Band music. One ensemble tended to lose tempo. To reinforce my point, I started them with a metronome — and then stop directing. After some time, I would restart the metronome. I described what they were doing:
“Sounds like a gradual ritard. You’re slowing down.”
No one in the ensemble said anything and I gave it no additional thought.
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But then, one of the building admins confronted me about a parent call. The parent was upset because the daughter came home telling him I said they were retarded.
I asked if the Admin had a quote of what I was accused of saying. She pulls out a piece of paper reads;
“Sounds like a casual retard slowing down.”
Admin instructed not to confront the student, but to talk to the band.
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Following is my followup with the band…
One of the agenda items on the board was “music term of the day” and next to it was:
Ritardando
Ritard.
Rit.
I asked the ensemble what those three terms mean.
Numerous correct answers.
Then I asked them to think back to the pep band music rehearsal last Tuesday — and I asked them what the overall group’s problem was (especially) that day…..
[We were slowing down]
Good answer.
Then, I shared the quote I was accused of saying…..
“I didn’t record myself, and I don’t think I said the word casual because that just doesn’t sound like something I would say. But let’s go with that for now. If I used any form of those three terms in the context of last week’s rehearsal, what do you think I was saying?”
[That we were slowing down.]
Good answer.
Now, let me tell you what I absolutely didn’t say — and would NEVER say….. I was NOT calling you retarded.
[Collective eye roll and OMG kinda responses.]
One four-year ensemble member, said….
“You would never say that.”
We went on to talk about what should have happened….. That if/when I said something that an individual thought was offensive, out of line, or even unclear — that this individual should come and talk to ME first.
[Collective yes nods.]
And that if your parent needs to call someone, who do you think they should call FIRST?
Good answer.
Then…we went on into rehearsal. I responded to the Admin the results of our conversation. Admin calls the father to explain Italian music terms.
The parent apologized, the daughter spent the next four years maturing as a productive ensemble member, and as far as I could tell, a respectable supporter.