Choir Special at HBC 11/24/24
Joan Gardner, Choir Director
Choir Special at HBC 11/24/24 Read More »
Family
She would have told me to Stay With The Band
On October 15, 2011, I got a call from my brother telling me the nursing home called to say they didn’t expect Mom to make it through the night. I was not only 120 miles from where she was, but I was over another 100 miles on the other side of Huntington.
The band was about to perform for final competition and would still be in Chesterton for another couple hours waiting for results. One of the parents offered to leave the competition (missing the band’s performance) to drive me back to Huntington. Mom had not been very conscious for a while. I knew if she had been, her strong desire would have been for me to…
“Stay with the band”.
I did, and it was 1:30 AM when we arrived back to Huntington. My plan was to sleep for an hour and then take off for Covington. It was about 2:00 AM when brother called again to say, “She’s gone.” I wouldn’t have made it even if I had kept driving — and probably not even if I had immediately left the competition.
She was buried on my birthday three days later.
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Where were you on 9/11?
My mother remembered Pearl Harbor. In the sixties, I remembered the Kennedy assassination. Since September 11, 2001, the “where were you when” question has been about 9/11.
Since I’m writing this on 9/11/24, I’ll focus on that experience.
It was a regular work day for Joan and I at our QDP Corporation office. Prior to leaving the house, we saw the news clip about a “small plane” that had flown into one of the World Trade Center (WTC) towers. A terrible accident, but it wasn’t going to stop our day.
After travelling the six miles to our office and settling in, Joan turned on the small radio she had on her desk. We did not have a TV in the office and this was in the pre-streaming era.
Shortly after the news was on, Joan called out (my office joined hers, but I couldn’t clearly hear and didn’t listen to her radio) that a plane had flown into the second tower — and the small plane we heard about was now a passenger plane….so we understood there was a more major event.
The she cried out,
One of the buildings just collapsed.
I distinctly recall commenting,
That is impossible. You realize how big those towers are. You must have heard that wrong.
Then the second building….and we decided to close for the day and go home to watch about it on TV….. and pretty must stayed glued to the news for the next several days.
Note: what follows is a side-note addition, but I hope you will find it interesting.
Our younger son, David, had just started classes at Duke University, with its significant international student body that included numbers from both Jewish and Muslim communities.
I called, out of some concern, but mostly just to calm my slight anxiety about the potential (I thought) for student unrest. His response caught me off guard.
We are very safe in my dorm, Dad.
I should note that dorms on the Freshman Campus at Duke (yes, a separate campus about a mile away from the campus you see online) were not the huge complexes of many larger universities….. His particular dorm, for example, had four floors and no more than a couple hundred students.
As a professionally trained information-gathering salesperson, I pressed him on that answer. He hesitated, but eventually added more context:
Dad, are you familiar with the King of Jordan?
I know who he is.
Well, his son is in my dorm …. and we are very safe.
I learned about some in his dorm who were not students. Also, about how the Prince of Jordan liked to evade his protection detail and would (on one such occasion) recruit fellow students who sneak him out of the dorm to get pizza. The challenge was to see how far they could get before caught. We had a discussion about the potential downfall of such games.
When David’s brother, John, traveled from Tennessee Tech University to visit and check in on his brother, John learned that the campus really had been buttoned up as they wouldn’t allow him entry until David vouched for him.
Similarly, in the way my mother recalled going to her high school classes the day after Pearl Harbor, and I remembered walking home for lunch from Tenth District Elementary School shortly after hearing about President Kennedy, I will never forget what I was doing on 9/11/01…and neither should you.
May we all, “NEVER FORGET”!
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Did I really say something ‘racist’?
In the high school where I taught, we were just beginning to work on Africa: Ceremony, Song and Ritual. It was an incredible piece of music written to display some of the beauty and complexity of African music and drumming.
I have two “racist”-related stories to go with our preparation of this piece. The first happened several years ago when I invited (and then had to un-invite) an area African drumming group to come to our school to lead a Master Class for our students and open our concert. That will be for another post.
More recently, as part of our discussion and preparation, I spoke with the class about how African drums are considered “sacred” and that we would treat this music and our performance of it with that type of respect.
As part of that discussion, I spoke a little of my son’s study abroad experience during his undergraduate work at Duke University, when he spent a summer in Ghana. He was one source of telling me how reverently the Gananians treated the drumming instruments. He also told me the exceptional level of respect they gave “white people”, especially men.
He stepped over some local cultural norms when he insisted on helping with the food preparation and in washing his own clothes. It should be noted that the home where he stayed was considered one of a “nobleman” from the area.
Not comfortable with the female servants doing his laudry, David tried to do his own. The best he could get was for them to let him help them.
“Everyone wanted their picture taken with the white guy, and they wanted hugs. When I went to church, they would always set me on the front row, if not on the platform itself.” -David Gardner
What really sparked the shocked response was when I told this class (mostly white with a small hispanic component) about my son’s experience in a Drumming Circle, where several of the students from his trip participated. The comment that the drumming leader made (multiple times) was that….
I got a noticeable gasp of disbelief and shock when I shared that quote. I explained that this was not something a white person said, but rather was a critical statement made by a Gananian African about how non-Africans were playing his instruments.
I was not trying to be or show any form of racial disrespect, but rather, to use a quote from someone who should know the instrument….. Incident averted.
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I wanted to be a band director
In 7th grade, attending a band clinic at Morehead State University, I made the definite decision that I wanted to be a band director. No one on either side of my family had been to college, so I was clueless in many aspects of what it would take.
My band director, James Copenhaver, pulled me aside one day to explain:
You want to be a band director. That means you’re going to need to go to college, but your family can’t pay for you to go (My parents were divorced and my polio-surviving mother was raising five children.)
Your grades are okay, but not good enough for academic scholarships. You’re not athletic, so that is out.
The best chance for you to get to college is to become good enough on that clarinet that by the time you graduate, a college will pay for you to come. You’ve got four years.
It worked.
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My Fire Chief dad’s first black and female hires
Today we hear all about wokeism, diversity and equity hiring, and training, rainbows, gender-fluid, pronouns, and more. When I was in school in the late 60’s to mid 70’s (high school and college), the controversies were about “Affirmative Action” and “School Bussing”. This post focuses on my Fire Chief Dad’s first black and female hires and asks the question, was he racist and/or sexist?
My high school was the only larger public high school in the city and, so, was already completely integrated as it took in all from a community of just under 100,000. The elementary schools, on the other hand, experienced bussing first as those in the inner city schools and the outer city schools (we really didn’t have suburbia in Covington) were moved around.
I supported (and still do) the concept. Implementation, in some cases, was problematic, including my dad’s work situation. He was one of three “Chiefs” for a Fire Department that had about 10 ‘houses’ throughout the city. Keep in mind that this story was involving new concepts. The question…. was my dad racist or sexist? My answer…..ummmmm somewhat, but not blatantly. See how he dealt with an issue of each.
Phil Gardner, was a fireman for about 32 years and I grew up around the firehouse. My first memories were of an old firehouse built originally for horse-drawn equipment. The sleeping quarters were on the second floor. When an alarm sounded, the men would slide down the pole landing next to one of the trucks.
Since it was a job where he was on duty for 24hrs and then off for 48, we would sometimes visit him at work. I remember getting to sit in the driver’s seat and pull the cord that rang the bell as well as in the seat atop the rear ladders of the “hook and ladder” truck. Eventually, he was one of the three deputy “chiefs” (each had a ‘shift’) of a moderately large fire department in Covington, Kentucky.
He moved into the new station in 1975.
Anywhere in the city in 90 seconds
He claimed that he could have someone on the scene anywhere in the city 90 seconds after an alarm from one of the city’s 10 firehouses.
I saw that first hand once as my siblings and I were in the firehouse as an alarm sounded. His instruction was to “stand over there against the wall RIGHT NOW and I’ll have someone come and get you”. As the firehouse PA system was announcing the location and description, 8 firehouse doors were going up, firefighters were scrambling, engines were starting and in about 15-20 seconds, the chief car, ambulance, rescue truck, pumper, and ladder truck were GONE. One of the dispatchers had us come in and spend time with him until our mother could arrive to take us home.
He was not afraid of controversy. At different times in his job as one of the chiefs, Dad was accused of both racism and sexism.
Hiring the first Black
During the time of “Affirmative Action” and “School Bussing”, when the city asked why dad didn’t have any blacks on the force, he replied that they hired from those who passed the fireman’s test. He was ordered to re-write the test. ….and then to re-write the test a second time, and a third time. He then refused to continue to modify the test, which he insisted was about finding out what someone knew about fire and he didn’t want to send people into burning buildings who didn’t understand what they were up against.
When he hired an African-American, he told me about his first conversation with a guy who eventually became a strong friend.
“I want you to know that you’re a rookie on this shift. You’re not a black rookie, you’re a rookie. You’re going to scrub the tires on the trucks, not because you’re black, but because you’re a rookie. You’re going to get to wash the trucks because you’re a rookie. There are a lot of grunt jobs around here that you are going to have to do because you are a rookie. They are the same jobs I had to do when I was a rookie and which every other man on this force had to do as a rookie. I will treat you the same way I treat everyone else on this force, and will expect respect in return. Oh, and another thing. You need to trim your hair, not because you’re black, but because if you go into a burning building with that Afro sticking out the bottom of a helmet, you’re gonna burn. So just to make sure that we understand each other, if you don’t show me your ‘black power’ (common phrase at that time), I won’t show you my white (i.e. I’m the fire chief) power.”
Their friendship lasted decades.
Hiring the first Woman
He was also in charge when they wanted to start hiring women. He fought it but eventually lost. His reasoning:
“Other than the fact that you’re requiring me to build another restroom, shower/locker area, and sleeping quarters in this building without giving me any additional space in which to do it, I have no problem with any female firefighter who can get all the hair under the helmet, can hold a hose with high-pressure water coming out and can climb out of an upper story window with a 250-pound person of dead weight on her shoulder as she climbs down the ladder.”
I’d appreciate honest, respectful feedback…..
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Make yourself valuable
I was in 9th grade when my band director, who had heard I wanted to be a band director, pulled me aside to tell me that 1) being a band director would require going to college, 2) my family couldn’t afford it, and 3) he had a way, “make yourself valuable”.
My parents divorced my 7th grade year. Dad was a firefighter and Mom, a polio survivor, was left raising five kids….I was the oldest.
Mr. Copenhaver emphasized that my grades weren’t good enough for academic scholarships and pointed out that I wasn’t athletic, so he told me the only way I would get there was to be good enough at something that a school would pay for me to come. He said I was decent on clarinet and suggested I focus on that. I had 4yrs to prepare. He helped me get 1-1 instruction with the best teacher in the region, to attend summer camps at two universities, to partipcate in band clinics, solo/ensemble festivals and honor bands — for both the experience and the exposure. It worked. I made myself valuable.
I did have a loan (don’t remember the amt). Of course, the number was lower, but my first teaching job only paid about $10k, so all the numbers were lower. I had on and off-campus jobs, including (for a while) a 3rd shift cleaning job at a restaurant and a job I went to over breaks and around summer schedules. I rode my bike about 3-4 miles to an area high school 2-3 times a week to work with about 15 students until I got my first car in time for student teaching.
I do remember learning how to pay my bills, including deciding which ones I could pay after each teaching paycheck. I get that.
Are there problems with the system today? Absolutely. College prices are outrageous. When our younger son was in school, their prices increased $1000/yr — and are now double what they were when we were dealing with them. Schools can raise their fees because loan-makers make it easy to get higher loans to pay the higher fees. Many universities (including state schools) have billions (with a B) endowments. They could go tuitionless for at least several years. Meanwhile, the cycle keeps going.
The contractor we hope will soon get us on his schedule is driving a truck I could never afford. He told me he dropped out of college when he figured out that, instead of debt, he could quickly be making more than he would make with the degree he was working on. A military recruiter told our band class that going his route could enable someone to have 6-figures in the bank instead of 6-figures in debt.
I would hope we can find a way to help the needy without just transferring that obligation to those who couldn’t go to college or who went to trade school (and borrowed money for buildings, vehicles, tools, etc) or into the military instead.
Blanket cancellations (which I know this is not): the SCHOOL wins because they got their money and can now raise prices again, the LOAN-MAKERS win because they can make bigger loans.
Somebody a lot smarter than me is going to have to figure it out. I do not believe it is an easy solution.
If you want to respectfully respond, even to disagree, feel free. If you’re going to call me a non-Christian, selfish or some of the other names I’ve been called (like these twitter responses):
Selfish shell fish
Special snowflake
Ignorant to the rest of the world
Sweetie
Conversation of which I know nothing
You ASSume things
smarmy asshats
I looked at your profile pic (old, fat, bald)
…then please don’t bother.
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Happy Birthday, David
Happy Birthday, Dr. David. There is a link at the end of this post to visit the ongoing post that I have been updating each birthday.
You’ve had an impressive last few years. After completing your first seven years as an Instructor, Cluster Dean and Asst Boys Swim Coach at Philips Academy. you earned a year’s Sabbatical, which you spent as a long-term sub in a large Texas public high school. That was supposed to be a short-term fix when the school lost a teacher right before the start of the school year. When you complained (sort of) that they wouldn’t replace you, my take was….
Why should they replace you? They have a PhD English teacher from a top-tier Boarding School on the East Coast — on sub pay. You’re quite a deal. You’re not under contract and can walk away at any time.
But you stayed for the year.
Somewhere during all that time, you made a trip to Italy.
Upon your return to Andover, you moved into a new apartment and accepted a promotion as Asst Dean of Students with the primary responsibilities of organizing, updating and enforcing the school’s rules book. In other words, you are the point of the spear in discipline. You are back on the pool deck with the school’s championship Boys Swimming and Diving Team.
We were thrilled that you were able to be with us to celebrate our 47th Anniversary and your mother’s uh-humm-th birthday.
Hope you’re having a great day.
Link to previous post with additional bio history.
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Happy Birthday Dad 7/20/1927 – 12/14/1996
To borrow from a Facebook status type, my relationship with my dad was “complicated”. I devoted a chapter to him in my “Stories Throughout My Ages” book. Read it HERE: Philip Lawrence Gardner
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Hillbilly Elegy and How We Did It
Years ago, my son gifted me a book, “Hillbilly Elegy” by J.D. Vance. His was a more extensive experience of poverty than mine. I grew up in northern Kentucky while his Appalachian upbringing was a little over 100 miles away….from an area with a genuine Kentucky hillbilly life. I’m glad I didn’t have a foul-mouthed grandmother or drug-user family members in my family … but there were aspects of his young life that had recognizable similarities to mine.
How you can go from that to graduating Ohio State in 2 yrs and Yale is an impressive success story.
I’ve seen attack media describe his book as mediocre and that he maligned poor people — WRONG… he was describing his reality. And the book was made into a movie. (I liked the book better)
I used quotes from one page of his book in my “How We Did It” Collegiate presentation I gave to students/parents while I was teaching, because I totally agree with, and experienced via my younger son, the fact that you don’t have to be rich to get into a top-tier university.
With our younger son getting into a top-tier undergrad school and then an Ivy League grad school, our experience was in the same universe as Vance’s, hence my use of this quote from his book.
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