Respect

Some choices we made about how to raise our children

Joan and I both come from broken homes. Her parents were divorced, remarried and divorced again. Her mother wouldn’t allow any contact with her father. For our wedding, Joan walked down the aisle alone. Joe was there for the ceremony but left immediately following. My parents’ divorce had less animosity. Our father was still in our lives. There were visits and support. 

But we were both on the receiving end of what we wanted to ensure would never happen to our children. Part of that commitment meant that we would never allow our parents, or anyone else for that matter, tell us how to raise our children.

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Practice sheet quotes

I was putting together a practice sheet for a student when I found I’d already done that. I may post that another time…..but at the end of it, I had some quotes….from me, my son’s trumpet professor and my clarinet professor. Oh, I may also do a more substantial post of my teacher’s comments, these were some of his rare positive ones.


“You should not have to tell someone you are good. BE good. PLAY good (well). And if you ARE good, others will tell you…. and that IS good.”
–me
“Always be modest and humble…..until you put that [trumpet] in your hand and step up to perform ….and then you become one mean, arrogant, confident, son of a [band parent]!”
–Dr. CD, Professor of Trumpet at Tennessee Tech University (son’s teacher)
“Fast notes…! So what! NASA can teach monkeys how to wiggle fingers and push buttons. Fast notes deserve to be musical too!” 
“Why do you insist on getting nervous when you perform? That is wasted energy and nerves make mistakes. Consider how many people in the audience could do what you are doing. Do what you know you can do and make them stand up.”
–Dr. PM, Professor of Clarinet at University of Kentucky
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Teens will listen

By John Gardner

Talking to the band
R – E – S – P – E – C – T

UPDATE: This pic is from @2016. I retired in 2020, but I still like this pic and believe the point I am making.


I worked with teens for years. I thrive on their youthful enthusiasm. I have always believed that if you show them that you really care about them as an individual, and treat them with dignity and respect, that they will give it to you in return. Can you see that in this pic?

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A Silly Deal with the Band

It was at my first Regional Competition at Chesterton in my first year returning to education in 2005. Mr. Campbell and I were walking back toward the buses with the judges’ “Silver” rating results. I was wearing a new school windbreaker Mr. Campbell had given me. 

“You might want to take that off or flip it inside out.”, he said, with no additional comment. 

I questioned him. He simply repeated the advice which I ignored because it made no sense. 

We climbed up the ramp of the trailer to talk to the band. After we spoke, and when students started coming up the ramp, Mr. Campbell stopped them and said, 

“Not on here. We’ll come down.”

I still had no idea.

A few seconds later they were all squirting silly string at us. It was one of those “traditions” no one had told me about. There was a “band buddy” system in place where, throughout the season, members would anonymously get small gifts for their “buddy”. But on the final competition, everybody’s gift to each other was a can of silly string.

What a mess. But, as soon as it was over, all students picked up as much of the silly string as they could. I found that impressive, but I guess it was part of the tradition … and we were at another school.

The next year, at Lafayette Jefferson, I was ready, and so were the students.

But I had a problem with the tradition and shared it with them….not sure if it was in a subsequent rehearsal or at the band banquet, but it went something like this,

“I have two problems with this silly string tradition. First, you are making a mess at someone else’s school. I know you work to clean it up, but you cannot get all of it and so there is always “evidence” that we were there. 

NOTE: I started using the phrase, ‘Leave no evidence’ anytime we were needing to clean up, such as when we were having snacks or celebrating a birthday.) 

And second, you are “celebrating” a SILVER rating. Yes, you’re probably celebrating the end of the season, but it just doesn’t feel right. I don’t want you to silly string ME again until you receive a GOLD rating.“

There were no “silly string” celebrations in 2007-08. But, in 2009, the band received GOLD for the first time since 2001. Speaking for both directors, I made them a “deal”…..

“Let’s have our “GOLD-rating Silly String Celebration back at HNHS, following the band banquet. Bring your stuff to the banquet, and afterward, Mr. Campbell and I will, voluntarily, meet you outside Door 34. Of course, you will have to do clean up, right?”

Deal!

I did two things to enhance our celebration. First, I brought several cans of stringy for Mr. Campbell and I to use. We knew we’d be outnumbered and surrounded, but we would not be unarmed. But also, prior to the evening, I had gone to a small group of trusted parents……

“Following the banquet, Mr. Campbell and I are going to meet the band outside Door 34. They will surround us and silly string us. When THEY surround us, I want YOU to surround THEM, and when it all breaks loose, I want YOU to silly string THEM.”

It was great. 

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Teens I Admire

By John Gardner

NOTE: I was teaching when I wrote this. I have since retired, so rather than go through and edit what I am doing with what I did do, I’ll just put this disclaimer out there so you know.


Large group of smiling friends staying together and looking at camera isolated on blue backgroundAdults who are afraid of teenagers or who feel like teens of today are nothing like those from their day (adults have been saying that forever, right?) ….. or who think the quality of teens is crumbling….. should come hang out with the teens I get to spend time with.

As a teacher, I can’t use the “love” word, must avoid the “creepy” label (they DO use that word too much), have to be careful how I compliment the way someone looks, and often settle for handshakes and high fives when a good pat on the back or a hug seems so much more appropriate for the circumstance …. but I thoroughly enjoy my time on the school clock. I LOVE the youthful enthusiasm. I ADMIRE their dreams, goals, and aspirations. And I RESPECT those who make the best of their circumstances as they strive for excellence. I am all about encouraging achievers because they allow me into their lives. I “love” this job AND these teens.

My response to the parent who asked recently, “How do you put up with a room FULL of teenagers?” is “I feel sorry for those who DON’T get to experience a room FULL of teenagers.”

Some of the “types” of teens I admire….

I admire teens who thrive because of their parents…

Band students have complicated schedules that can challenge parental patience. There is the expense of instruments and extras (reeds, valve oil, drum sticks) — not to mention private lessons, summer camps, etc. Vacations get adjusted and, especially until the teen can drive, there are countless trips to drop off and pick up.

Some parents sacrifice soooo much in time, energy and money so that their teen can focus on being a better student, athlete, musician, academic or whatever. But all of that is for naught if the teen doesn’t take advantage of it. I admire teens who appreciate what they have and commit themselves to “getting their parents’ money’s worth”.

I admire teens who thrive in spite of their parents.

I was outside Door 34 prior to a rehearsal when she jumped out of the car and ran up to me, crying and wiping tears from her eyes, “G… I’m sorry…..I’m so sorry.” As she ran off into the building I got the impact of her emotion when I saw the approaching papa angrily waving a copy of our schedule.

“How much of this is mandatory?”, he asked angrily

“All of it.”, I responded quietly.

He huffed and puffed and returned to his car. When I walked into the band office, the daughter was waiting for me, tears streaming….wanting to know that I was okay after an encounter with her father. She needed a hug, and I gave her one.

Additional random examples….

“We’re going to pull our son out of band…..his room is a mess.”

“I can’t come to band today. I’m grounded and part of my punishment is whatever consequence I get from you for not being here.”

” He really loves band…..which is why this has to be part of his punishment.”

“She can’t major in color guard in college….so there is no point in the expense for her to be in this activity.”

“My parents took my band card money and my paycheck money. What do I do?”

“Here’s my paycheck to pay you back for letting me go to Disney. I will be able to pay you back from my job over the next three months.” (And did.)

“I have to stop taking private lessons because my dad says if I have money to waste on music lessons that I can pay rent.”

“G, I just got kicked out of my house.”

“Why are you telling my kid (s)he needs extra money for music lessons? Aren’t you the teacher? Why don’t you do what you’re getting paid for?”

“Why should I buy another [instrument]? I bought the one they told me to buy when (s)he started.”

Some of the most determined to succeed band students have parents I never meet. I understand busy and I understand the struggles of single parenthood (there were five kids in my single parent home) and it can be hard….yes, it can be hard. But it is sad sometimes to watch students try not to show disappointment when the parent is not there…. just sayin’.

I admire students who, despite the potential negatives of their circumstances…..are determined to succeed…..

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Two stories about small schools with larger bands

Joan suggested I respond to a post with a similar story… (shortened for this post). MY experience follows.

From David Bloss, Level 3 contributor in “Band” group.

“My small town HS in northern Oklahoma had a combined middle & high school band. I estimate the student population was around 300. We had 84 in the band (drum major and 2 twirlers for marching … ”


MY EXPERIENCE

Four days before graduation from the University of Kentucky, I was hired for my first teaching job. I went from a community of nearly 100K (Covington, KY) and an inner-city jr/sr high school (Holmes) of 2000+ — to a community of about 1000 (Pekin, IN) and a jr/sr high school (Eastern) population of under 400….. and no football team.

I somehow survived the culture shock and am grateful to have learned so much from that community. When I got stuck in the snow, no one drove past without getting out to help. When I drove a bandster home from rehearsal, I was expected to accept eggs from their chicken house. But, I also learned those teens were hard-working, talented, committed, and thrived at an opportunity to prove themselves to other communities….to me…..and to themselves.

I was befriended and mentored by an amazing artist (Richard Trueblood) who was my only outside staffer, although I don’t think we ever paid him — my ignorance. He did amazing things with our guard and together we created and taught winning choreography.

I was only there four years. Band grew from 39 (with 8th graders) to 93 with only grades 9-12, including 18 flags and 6 rifles….

In KY, we competed in “Band Size” competitions, which put us against large schools. When we could compete in “School Size” competitions, our band was normally 2-3x the size of our competitors.

We had a good run, receiving lots of guard, other caption and top placement awards. At the State Level, we were in Class C (there was no Class D at the time) and ranked 4th twice. Last year, that same school won 1st place in the small division in Scholastic Class, which also did not exist during my tenure.

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Marching Band Fails

I want to be careful and mindful posting this. As far as I know, no one was hurt. I’ve heard people say marching band is easy. If you say that, you should try it. I mean….out there on the field. For a few years, at the end of Band Camp, we would invite parents to learn a portion of drill with their student. Of course, we didn’t really give them time to learn it because that was not the point. It DID give those parents a new perspective on what their student was doing.
Most of these types of fails would not have happened (often) when I was marching…..but today’s complex drills, fast paces, close intervals and backward marching…. well….
Watch for a laugh……but it is marching season, and KUDOS to the way those in this video responded through their fail.
Go ahead. You can laugh out loud. Then go cheer on a marching band.

 

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Color coded clarinet

She was a new student who transferred in. I needed to listen to her so I could place her. I had never seen color-coded keys and it gave a good reason to have a nice get-to-know-you conversation. She said her band teacher labeled all their clarinetists’ keys like this. It was a nice horn.
Wow! I’ve spent my whole teaching career explaining the fingerings and expecting students to get it.
I HAVE had students label all their music notes. I didn’t allow it if I knew about it…..explaining that they were going to encounter more notes than they were going to be able to label.
btw I wonder if that teacher labeled trumpets or trombones.

 

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Why is Tulsi Gabbard on a terror watchlist?

 

In April 2003, while serving in the Hawaii State Legislature, Gabbard ENLISTED in the Hawaii Army National Guard. In July 2004, she was deployed for a 12-month tour in Iraq, serving as a specialist with the Medical Company, 29th Support Battalion, 29th Infantry Brigade Combat Team.

She served in the US Congress from 2013-21 and believes her criticism of VP Harris caused her placement on a TSA’s watchlist. She is NOT a conservative and NOT (yet) a republican. She has endorsed President Trump.

For every flight, because her boarding passes have an “SSSS” designation, she is followed by (according to Air Marshalls):

2 explosive detection K9 teams
1 explosives specialist
1 plain clothes TSA officer
3 Federal Air Marshals

Every flight is preceded by a “very in-depth screening” lasting 30-45 minutes

If you have a non-political reason why she was placed on a terror watchlist, please share. This is shameful.

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