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Is it ever ok for a teacher to LOVE students?

2 Comments / High Schools, Personal experience, Public Schools, Repost, Respect, Teaching, Teaching Music / John Gardner

There is more to school life than what happens during the academic day. Some academic teachers are also coaches or extracurricular sponsors. Coaches develop strong bonds with their athletes. Music and theater arts teachers spend considerable extracurricular time with students – evenings, weekends, summers. These teacher/student relationships are significant and life long impacting.

Is it ever ok for a teacher to LOVE students?

In a reunion with some of the students from my first teaching job, as they were sharing memories, one person put it this way:

“Come back to teach the students of the students you taught.”

I expected to hear some of the heart-warming stories and did, but one comment caught me off guard a little. As one was listing attributes he appreciated, he included…..

“…and your smile.”

What teachers do you remember most 10-20-30 years out, and for what do you remember them?

Band is the ultimate team.

Unlike a basketball team with its starting five, there is no bench in band. Everybody is in. Everybody is a starter. Few other types of groups will involve people from such varied backgrounds. There are children of doctors and lawyers performing with children of single-parents working multiple jobs or utilizing government help. There are the students who have their own cars and those who need rides, those with the iPhones and the free phones or no phone. You will find students in most bands from every church in the community and others who have never been inside a church.

High school provides a memorable time for teens and parents to be on the same team before graduation and the empty nest.

If only it were like that for all teens.

At this most critical time in their decision-making years, if teens can’t find love, acceptance, encouragement and support from parents, teachers and mentors, they will search for it elsewhere, often with disastrous results leaving them with consequences that change lives and crush dreams.

But even more than TEAM, band is FAMILY…

Most high school athletic teams are together for a “season” — maybe six weeks with a few more for preparation. Band meets in the summer, including band camp which can be 8+hours a day. Then there is every day at school with additional rehearsals in the evenings, plus the Friday football/basketball game and the Saturday competition.

…and more functional than some.

As I stood outside Door 34, she jumped out of the passenger side of the car and ran past me, teary-eyed, crying,

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

As she went by I saw the papa, for the first time, approaching me and angrily waving a piece of paper.

“How much of this schedule is mandatory?”

I paused, if only for a moment as I thought through his reaction to my answer…

“All of it.”

After grumbling something that I probably couldn’t repeat, he returned to the car and didn’t quite lay rubber in his exit. The daughter was waiting in my office, still crying and apologetic. I hugged her. How does such a sweet daughter have a parent like that?

There are loving parents who are working 2-3 jobs each, going to school and dealing with the challenges of large families – and it is somewhere between difficult and impossible for them to spend a lot of time at football games, parades and competitions. I get that. But what do you say to this parent?

“We need to pull [Benjamin] out of band because he won’t clean his room and he needs to learn respect. He loves band and so this is the only valuable thing we can take away to make our point.”

Or this one?

“Why should I pay money for her to spend time spinning a flag. There are no colleges that will offer scholarships and besides, what job is that going to prepare her for?”

Or to these students?

“Can you please give me something to do. I’ll straighten the library….anything….just don’t make me go home.”

“I have a job so I can earn the money for my band fee, and I keep hiding it, but my mother keeps finding it and taking it.”

“I have to quit music lessons. My dad found out I was using some of my job money for music lessons and says that if I am going to waste my money on that – I can start paying rent.”

“Please don’t try to introduce yourself to my dad. Please don’t. Please, please, please don’t. He is not a nice man.”

I want to share the LOVE they may be missing.

Educationally, the L-word is dangerous. Administrations encourage admiration and respect, but love is conspicuously absent. Understandable. Inappropriate teacher student relationships make national news and destroy lives. Elementary teachers can hug students, but by middle school it is to be a touchless relationship. I disagree.

Sometimes an appropriate touch, handshake, high five, tap on the shoulder or even a hug – can be powerfully effective in mentoring, consoling or encouraging. It doesn’t have to be physical. It can be listening and responding when others won’t.

C.S. Lewis in his book, The Four Loves, divides the Greek vocabulary for “love” into four categories: Storge (στοργή storgē) -affection, Philia (Philia (φιλία philía) – friendship, Éros (ἔρως érōs) – romantic love, and Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē) – charity.

None of those match completely what I’m trying to define. Storge (affection) can include the physical. Philia (i.e. Philadelphia – brotherly love) comes close but can include the sexual. Éros is obviously not appropriate, and Agápe, often interpreted as the love between Christians is also close, but gets into spiritual and that is not quite it either.

I “L” my students with a parental type. I see their potential and their youthful enthusiasm and I love that. I love their willingness to share with me things that they can’t comfortably share anywhere else.

“You are always the one to trust with issues like this because you treat us like people and not just another bunch of “teenagers”.”

I ADMIRE students who…

pay band fees out of a paycheck
pay for private instruction lessons out-of-pocket
seem completely self-supporting (clothes, obligations)
apologize for the way their parent(s) behaved
juggle the extra rehearsals and activities with job and homework — and go for the best grades without parental encouragement or expectation
keep a positive attitude when others have parents involved and but they don’t

Nobody said life is fair. Those who endure hardships can be the better for it later. Trust me on that. As the oldest of five children raised in a single parent family by a polio surviving mother (and if you have no idea what that means, thank God), I understand poverty, but also how to work through it, with it, around it, and above it …. so cut me some slack when I don’t expect less from the less fortunate.

Students often impress me with friend choices and for the way they support and encourage each other. It is moving to see how friends and band members surround one who is hurting, physically or emotionally. With proper relationships established, teachers can be included in, or involved separately in similar support and encouragement – even of some personal issues.

I RESPECT students …

who work through moderate pain or discomfort without complaint
who have the musical ability to thrive, but can’t get the new instrument, or the private lessons, or go to the summer camps….or even stay in band, because of a parent who doesn’t see the value of band or color guard
expect more of themselves than their parents do
endure custody battles and try not to allow it to interfere with band

I hope these students appreciate how hard I try to make their situations work out.

And we have students whose parents are their biggest cheerleaders and amazing supporters…..

helping them earn the highest of Boy or Girl Scout honors
supporting their garage band
encouraging out of country mission trips
inspiring them to pursue the same vocation as the parent
or spending countless hours volunteering for band (committees, sewing, cooking, feeding, chaperoning, driving, etc)

We have CARING students who….

stand outside Wal-mart when it is below freezing to ring bells and play Salvation Army brass ensemble music
volunteer in nursing homes and with church youth groups in a host of different types of volunteerism
help raise money for those sick and injured

I am a retired high school teacher who appropriately loves, admires, and respects students.

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17 signs you teach in a factory school

1 Comment / Factory Education, High Schools, Public Schools, Teaching, Types of education / John Gardner

I attended “10th District” Elementary School and an inner-city, public Jr/Sr High School that had three, 4-floor buildings. Then I went to a 40,000 student state-subsidized University and recently retired from a 1400-student public high school.

Four factors contributed to my writing this post, designed as an introduction.

1. The first reference I recall to anything related to “factory education” was in a meeting between administration/school board and a group of concerned high school parents challenging the predicted negative impact of a schedule change on their audition-based ensemble. Responding to a passionate presentation, an administrative representative boasted,

We’re not here to teach the elite,
we’re hear to teach the masses.

2. A grad school professor at Ball State criticized “factory education” and emphasized the need to redesign the model and move away from mass production.

3. A colleague at my high school who was in on the planning and there when the doors opened, described how the building was designed like a factory — with the offices in the front and the different department modules.

4. My sons are involved with some non-factory setup educational models (a Classical Christian Academy, a School of Performing Arts, and a Boston area boarding school) and I look forward to utilizing what I learn from their experiences to help me (and you) understand why public schools are sometimes referred to as factory models of education, or education factories cranking out graduates the way assembly lines crank out cars.

The modern assembly line

Henry Ford revolutionized the concept of the modern mass-production factory in the early 20th century when he developed the concept of a revolutionary new process using skilled workers in specialized areas where the workers were stationary and the product parts were assembled as they moved from branch lines to the mainline where the final product was assembled and completed when it reached the end of the line. Prior to that, groups of individuals moved around a stationary vehicle. His approach was all about dividing the labor to speed up the line to produce more product efficiently. The person who inserted the screw was not the one who tightened it, for example. Every worker had a small part in the production until the completed product reached the end of the line.

Looking at these satellite views and floor plans, can you tell which are high schools and which are factories? I’ll share more points following the pictures.

General Motors Assembly in Fort Wayne, Indiana

Two of the above floor plans are high schools and two are factories. Can you tell which is which? I’ll give the answer below.

Indications that you might be in a factory school.

In the above floor plans, A & D are schools while B & C are factories.

I was trained in public schools and universities. My sons experienced public education through high school. One went on to a public university, is currently attending a private graduate institution, plus involved in a private School of Performing Arts and a Classical Christian Academy. The other son went to a private, top-tier undergraduate university, an Ivy-League graduate school and will be teaching in an elite boarding school outside Boston as a high school professor with his Ph.D.

A few of the questions I hope to address in future posts:

Given today’s circumstances vs those in the ’80s when my children entered school, would I repeat the path of public education or go a different route?
What are some of the differences in the approach of the top-tier universities and elite boarding schools? Should you?
Is it really all about the money, i.e. can those with the means really get a better education?
Are there multiple worlds of education?
Is life fair?
What options do we have?

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Names students would call me to my face

Leave a Comment / Assistant Directing, High Schools, Marching Band, Personal experience, Public Schools, Respect, Storytelling, Teaching, Teaching Music / John Gardner

DAD

My first teaching year, fresh out of college, I was only four years older than the seniors in the band. At Camp Crescendo, it was the band director’s responsibility to ensure students were all in the dorms for lights out. There was one particular senior girl, Sherrie P., who started calling me “dad” — and it stuck…at least, during camp. Every evening as I walked around the dorm area to ensure my “children” were all where they were supposed to be, I would hear variations of “Good night dad”…. And “Thanks for checking on us dad.”

I was worried about getting back to school for my first semester on the job and having students calling me “dad” in the hallway.

Fortunately, that didn’t happen.

“G” …

…has been the most common and the most persistent.

“GARDNER”

I rarely felt like students were being disrespectful, or I would never have allowed that. The very few times that I questioned, I told them my first name is “Mister”.

GPA

Toward the end, instead of being 4yrs older than the seniors, I am 4x their age, older than their parents and maybe even some of their grandparents.

Other Misc

“GEESTER”
“G-DOG”
“MR. G”

Names students would call me to my face Read More »

You can’t say that

Assistant Directing, Communication, High Schools, Personal experience, Public Schools, School Security, Social Media, Social Media, Teaching / John Gardner

Accounts of recent separations of news personalities from their employers remind me of a time my boss told me,

“You can’t say that.”

Years ago, on a hot sunny mid-day, our high school was evacuated over a threat. One of my thoughts at the time was wondering what was going through the minds of those stopped in traffic as 1500+ students, teachers, and staff crossed the state highway en masse. After accounting for all the students who left class, we sat in the football stadium bleachers until the end of the school day when busses and parents picked up students from the stadium rather than the high school. The congestion and confusion on that side street was significant.

The afternoon was especially stressful to those who had to work through the safety protocols to ensure students left only with a legal guardian. How do you call the school when the school is evacuated? How and to whom are calls forwarded? And what about student records with parent/guardian names and information in an area without computers and connections? How do they sign out from a remote location? Parents were frustrated as everyone was trying to do the right thing in a setting we had never before experienced. I should note that the communication and information issues of that day were addressed.

My uncovered bald head was significantly sunburned in those nearly three hours. By the time I got home, my head hurt and I was angry, especially after learning all that was the result of one student’s prank. I made an ill-advised comment on personal social media that punishment should include affixing the offender to the schoolyard flag pole and allowing all who spent those 2-3 hours in the stadium sun file by to express thoughts of the experience.

I should not have said that and I deleted the post, but not before someone shared it with the building boss, who called me to his office the next day. With a copy of my post in his hand, he not-quite laughingly said that, although he might feel the same way, “you can’t say that”.

I wasn’t fired.

You can’t say that Read More »

When you hear that students today are behind

Leave a Comment / High Schools, Public Schools, Teaching, Teaching Music / John Gardner

By John Gardner

I’m not going to defend some of today’s diluted, politically correct, expanded curricula when compared to what students learned decades (or centuries) ago. The Huffington Post published this 8th grade exam from 100 years ago and ask if you could pass it today.

I don’t ever recall, as a student, having to spend school time on bullying or suicide prevention, tolerance, drugs, sex, active-shooter and lock-down drills. I’ve participated in mandatory teacher training on bullying. We provide “digital citizenship” training worth several class periods for using those free iPads we gave them. Schools test to test that teachers’ tests are testing appropriate levels, that teachers are teaching and students are learning.

WHAT students must learn today is so much more complex than what students needed to know back in a previous century. Below is a good visual. It would have been much easier to learn to identify and differentiate the crayon colors available in the 1903 vs today, wouldn’t you agree?

Just sayin’.

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3 Types of Thriving Teens

Leave a Comment / College Prep, High Schools, Public Schools, Respect, Teaching / John Gardner

By John Gardner

1. Good Teens thrive BECAUSE of their parents

For one group, I give much credit to good parenting. These are the parents who are active and involved in their teen’s life. They’re on the PTO, in the band/choir/athletic booster groups, they come to watch practices, performances or games, they volunteer to help and they put up the money that most worth while ventures require. Some, are more behind the scenes supporting, enabling and encouraging. Outside of school activities, the family is together a lot. Maybe there isn’t a lot of money for fancy vacations, but they find ways to do things together anyway. Single parents and those who have remarried can also do fantastic jobs. My heart goes out to those super parents who are experiencing what author James Dobson calls “the strong-willed child”.

Keep the faith and keep doing what you’re doing. The teen will figure it out eventually.

2. Good Teens thrive IN SPITE of their parents

A second group, and one that I especially admire, are those teens who turn out great “in spite of” their parents. These are the teens who“ have every reason (mostly by example) to crash and burn, and yet, they determine NOT to follow the paths of their parents and instead, commit themselves to a better life.

I’m not faulting single, lower-income, laid off or otherwise challenged parents doing the best they can. My parents divorced when I (oldest of 5) was in 7th grade. My mother was a polio-survivor without a car. We didn’t have it easy but we had love and support — and we all survived.

I DO fault those who could but don’t share or support the child’s enthusiasm for a worthy activity.

Your child knows, is hurt, embarrassed and deflated by your lack of support.

A high school clarinet student once tell me,

“My dad has never heard me play.”

You will only have that child in your care for a short time.

I was outside our band entrance door greeting students arriving for rehearsal. The car stopped and both student and parent got out. The girl ran to me, in tears, frantically exclaiming, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” before running into the building. Behind her came the papa with the band schedule in hand. There was no warm, fuzzy response to my “Hi, how ya doin’?” Instead, he almost slapped me in the face with the schedule as he grunted, “How much of this schedule is mandatory?” After my response, “All of it.”, he mumbled something I wouldn’t print even if I heard it clearly. The daughter was waiting for me in the office, still crying, and apologizing for what she was sure I had endured. My respect and admiration for her attitude and work ethic skyrocketed after that.

A sophomore asked me for some personal clarinet coaching. Things were going great until she came in one day tearfully explaining she had to quit. She had gotten a job to pay for her lessons, because her parents would not, and when they learned how she was spending her earnings, they started charging her rent.

I continued her lessons anyway.

Another student came in from the parking lot to ask for some help with a flat tire. He called his mother while the other director and I taught him how to change a tire. To get to the spare, he had to unhook the huge woofer in the trunk. The mother and boyfriend arrived and, instead of thanking us for staying or trying to help, boyfriend starts screaming at the teen, “How dare you let somebody else touch my car. This isn’t over, kid.”

These are the students we find walking home after the concert, football game, or competition — because they know their parents will not come pick them up. Some get their own jobs to raise their own money to pay the participation fees, even earning money to go on trips.

3. Good Teens thrive because of who they are

Some teens naturally have what it takes for greatness. Natural greatness combined with good parenting is definitely a winning combination.

Thanks for reading.

John

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