By John Gardner
This time of year can be stressful for those romantically attached, hoping to become, casually dating, good plutonic friends or single not by preference. I understand widowed or divorced, too…. but this post targets mostly high schoolers. If you have it all figured out, STOP HERE!
For serious couples, this commercially generated holiday is stressful because of the pressure and expectations of giving and receiving the “right” gift. If you play the diamond game, there is the problem of how big, how much and how to pay for it. TV ads are pushing gigantic $99 teddy bears. The 10,000 calorie box of chocolates may necessitate a 1000 calorie diet to undo. There are the $5 greeting cards that say “I Love You” (surprise), the expensive flowers that will wilt in a week, or the balloons to watch deflate. How much do you spend and what if you can’t? Hey, it is not supposed to be about the amount of gift. You deserve a friend who values you and not just your gifts. What if the expectation is for a promise ring and you get a teddy bear? It is not supposed to be about the choice of gift. It is supposed to be about the idea of the gift, which is only symbolic of something you already know. Don’t stress about or spend money you don’t have. Hold hands.
It is stressful for the close but plutonic. Do you get a gift for a very good friend? What if you don’t? What if you can’t? What if you get something that accidentally ‘signals’ an unintended direction? What if one of you gifts and the other doesn’t? Don’t stress — talk about it.
There are the serious and dating, but not seriously dating….does that make sense (?). Do they gift some loveliness or ignore it and risk hurting the other. Again, what if one does something and the other doesn’t? What if one spends ‘x’ and the other spends twice that much, or half that much?
All week there will be a crescendo of depressing tweets and posts from stressing singles that will climax on the 14th when they see balloons on lockers, teddy bears and pillow pets, or pronouncements about a special date.
Just for fun, I went and copied a list of random twitter tweets from no one that I know. The following was taken from a screenshot. I just cut and pasted to remove the names.
See what I mean? Did you notice the one RETWEETED over 4000x?
Before you become that person who feels forsaken or forlorn….. here are some thoughts that are not internet-googled.
- YOU are loved, cared for, important to and influence a larger circle of people than you realize. Even in the midst of the turbulent teen-age, your parents and family love you. You benefit your friends who depend on your friendship and likely have been supported by it when THEY were having issues. And believe it or not, your teachers see you as so much more than a sponge into which they are to dump vast amounts of academia so that they can get a paycheck.
- Anyone who thinks less of you because you are single does not deserve you. DUMP HIM/HER.
- Anyone who thinks less of you because you can’t spend a lot of money does not deserve you. DUMP HIM/HER.
- Lean on your friends They ARE there for you. Let them encourage and lift YOU up.
- Be happy for, not jealous of your friends who do have a fantastic celebration on Valentine’s Day.
- And if you are single, do something for YOU, WITH others or FOR others.
Here are 5 Valentine’s Day Ideas for Single Teens from a Christian Teens post:
- Make some money. Offer to babysit for a married couple so they can go out for the evening.
- Volunteer. Be a service provider.
- Give everyone Valentines via cards, texts, IM’s, etc. Remember in elementary school when you gave a valentine to everyone in your class? Make it about more than just romantic love.
- Discover something NEW for YOU!
- Host a single people get together.
Make it a HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
LOVE,
-G
